I am going to try to get in the habit of writing something in this blog everyday. Like my physical exercise, it will be hard at first to do that.
I thought I would write a quick post. More of a rant. Yeah its the same old thing. Therefore if you may want to skip reading it.
I asked myself a question twenty five years (give or take a few). I wanted an honest answer from myself. Honestly I didn’t have the answer. At the time it didn’t matter because I was willing to have faith that I would find the answer. Once I found that answer I would be happy.
Before I go to bed, I was thinking about how I see other people. More to the point my view toward interactions with people. I was going through my box of metaphors, trying to find a way to describe it. Anybody who has spent any time with me discussing things, would know I like my metaphors. I collect like some people collect junk in their house. Just call me the crazy old metaphor women. Oh my God, I used a metaphor describe my use of metaphor. How cool is that? Ok its cool to me. Don’t rain on my parade by telling me different.
Continue reading “Life in the Park”
It sits there on my screen tempting me. I think to myself maybe temptation is the wrong word. It is not the one tempting me. I am tempting myself. To respond to it is a way of avoiding something ugly and disgusting. For that reason it is easy to respond and avoid that which is ugly and disgusting.
The last couple of days have been like the wind kicking up a dust storm. The dust storm being my emotions. In the process of the emotions being kicked up like they have been, I find myself unable to focus on anything in particular.
Continue reading “The Dust Storm in my Mind”
I just got done talking to my mom and wishing her a happy mother’s day. It really hurt and was disappointing. Not because I have bad feelings toward my mom but because it hurts so much to be reminded of what she has become now. She is in a nursing home with dementia. There is the usually disappointment in that she cannot share what is happening in my life which was something I liked deeply, but there is a lot of emotion and bad feelings toward the rest of my family over what lead up to her being put in the nursing home. But the story of why I feel that way toward my sisters is for another time.
I am having a real bad case of writer’s block. It’s not the usual problem, because there is plenty in mind to write about. It is just that I don’t want to think about it let alone put my feelings into words. It is something that is really a raw nerve with me. That is my father.
It seems more like fantasy than anything. All this talk about honesty and being open is a farce. People don’t really want to know who I am. They want to tell me who I am. They want to judge me when I don’t live up to their image of me. They expect me to be perfect and without flaws. Are disappointed when they find out I am not that way at all.
Continue reading “The Defective Machine”
I wasn’t in all that of a good mood a few days ago. It started a week ago with a wet patch on the back yard. Something that could be dismissed away as my neighbor watering and some of the water went over the fence. I didn’t think much more about it. I couldn’t anyway with Hank needing my constant attention. But when it did get my attention it became a major problem
Continue reading “The Bird”