What is There to Talk About?

You ask me what happen.  Why I did it.  I would like to tell you.  To let you know something about me.  But it would be a waste of time.  You wouldn’t believe me anyway.

You say you would believe me, but I know better.  Other people have said the same thing. When I tell them, they end up not believing me.  There is nothing different about you.  So why waste my time telling you?

See to you, what happen is not possible. It doesn’t fit into the narrative you have for life.  Easier to believe that I am lying than I am telling the truth.  People don’t do the things that I am accusing them of doing.  That is alright, most people don’t believe anyway.

On the other hand I know it is possible.  I wish I could be like you and not believe.  The implications of what happen are hard for me to grasp.  That people would do tings that horrible and continue to do them is beyond belief. So yes I understand your disbelief.

But it is your disbelief that makes it hard also.  To spend my life at first trying to defend myself and my life and then not bothering isolates me.  I feel like an outsider.  That more than anything is the hardest thing to deal with.  Especially when I want to interact and talk about it, but what is the point.

So let us talk about more believable things.  Like the weather, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.  Have some foreplay and in the process get to know each other better.  Maybe with time we will get to know each other better and we can trust each other.  When that happens maybe then we will have something to talk about.