Top of Their Game

Wells it looks you did it.  Became a hero for people like yourself.  A rag to riches story.  I have to admit I am jealous. Jealous enough that I want to tear it all down.

Not that I want to tear down what you have accomplished.  You have accomplished a lot and I am happy for that.  You deserve it.  I just want to tear down the pedestal that you are on.

The pedestal that society creates for you.  The same pedestal that was created for my father.  The same pedestal that was taken from him when he could no longer perform.  When he was regulated to a role that he never trained for in life.  A role that was degrading for him.  That in a way he lost his purposse in life.

Like anyone else he tried to get that purpose back.  Make his life have meaning again.   But also be back on that pedestal again.  To have what he lost through no fault of his own.  That was the biggest mistake he ever made.

Trying to achieve what he had in the past.  It would be nice if the people around him supported him in his new role in life.  But like so many others, he wasn’t somebody that they cared about it.  He wasn’t a person but an assest.  When he lost his value to them, then they through him in the trash like a used up food container.

He could no longer have that.  He could no longer be an assest to them.  There was no way that was ever going to come back.  Instead of looking at the present and the future and what he could do, he was stuck in the past. A past that he could never have again.  That was his failure in life.

What was my point here?  Like so many things I write there is no point.  The point only exists to get me to write and express myself.  But if I was to say there was a point, I have a choice just like my father.

The choice between angry and happiness.  I feel both right now, but which one should guide my actions?  Which one is the right choice for me?

That should be pretty straightforward.  We are taught that happy is good and angry is bad.  We even have classes about how to manage the latter, while no one ever conducts a class about managing the former.  But in reality, at least to me, they are just emotions we feel to motivated ourselves to do something,  But in this case, I feel the choice is easy.

I have been on the receiving end of that angry.  Is that what my father really wanted for his children?  I don’t know to be honest.  Only person that can answer that question is dead.  I like to think he was a good father that wanted the best for his children, that just succumb to the angry and let it rule his life.

That instead of being angry of what I cannot have and letting that rule my life, I rather be happy for what I did accomplish.  Make my own pedestal to stand on.  Because like the person at the start of this post, I have accomplished a lot in my life.  May not be things that other people can see and admire.  But they are things that I know about.

But at the same time,  I see new challenges up ahead.  Those challenges scare me.  I am not sure how to respond to them.  What can I do to make things better?  I just don’t know. That is where the angry seduces me.

The angry gives me something to do.  It tells me how I should respond to it.  It may be short sighted and ultimately destructive, but it is still something.  Instead of letting it seduce me, I will keep trying to find a good way to respond to those challenges.  I may not know what to do until it presents itself to me, but I have hope that I will find something.

Even if my hope ends up being futile and everything comes crashing down, I still have hope.  That despite what my father and other people did to me when I was a kid, they did teach me an important lesson.  That I can make something out of the rubble of everything coming crashing down. May take me a while to build it again, but I can do it.  What I am living right now is proof of that.

So there is reason to hope if I fail to meet the challenges ahead of me.  I like to think that I will meet those challenges and not have to rebuild.  But like so much in life, how things turn out is not in our control.   All we can do is try and make the best choices we can and hope for the best.